Emotionless..

Today is e only monday that I m facing "blues".. Yet I m wearin pink.. V sad v sad.. I had drivin lesson in the mornin.. My instructor was disappointed in my drivin standard.. he said tt my skills hav deteriorated greatly.. Machiam those in lesson 1.. On hearing that, I felt a rush of demoralisation n worthlessness.. I had gone so far yet this still happened.. My mood already hit the bottom that this had happened.. Soon after, my good fren msg mi that she is a driver already.. I felt happy for her but I m pressurised at the same time.. Maybe it is all the human comparison that was makin mi feel so bad.. Emotions ran over n over again throughout my body.. Now in the afternoon, I took my online test for my only subject this sem...I FAILED~ I felt sobby n broke down in front of my com.. I was lookin at my notes emotionlessly after tt sobby scene.. I was utterly disappointed w myself.. Eaten all e ice creams n chocolates I could find in my fridge.. I didnt feel better.. I tot they r supposed to help?? Well obviously they didnt.. I couldnt help feeling that.. Maybe I did hear some advice.. But they dont seem to help too.. I had been telling myself, it is part and parcel of life.. Get up and move on.. My feet didnt wanted to move.. I got no place, nowhere, no purpose, nothing to move on.. suddenly nothing.. Now after writing so much, I started to think n think more.. What happened to me? Shouldnt I be a happy gal? I got my parents that love me so much, only they could tolerate me.. Esp after what happened ytd, I was pretty surprised that I was "recognised" in their hearts.. Arent they noble, only they can tolerate my temper and behaviour.. If it is someone else, I tink I would be ignored most of the time until I had cooled off before I would be approached.. I shld be glad I got them to lean on when I am at e bottom..