What is happening to me?

It has been a really long time since I updated this blog.. I have been writing in the friendster blog instead.. Well now tt I m back, I will put in whatever that happened to be since Mar '05 till now.. It shall be a long long story, and it goes like this..

Late April this year, I had the most expensive overseas trip to Europe, namely Amsterdam, Brussels and Paris. It was like a dream come true. I enjoyed Paris most because it got the most shopping centres(well.. it's a girl thing.. haha). The culture at Amsterdam is most amazing to me and had a great time at the casino there. Brussels is more like a business centre as my dad had to attend a food exhibition there(I ate alot of good seafood there.. Yummy!). We tried to scrimp and save via less shopping during the trip so that we can eat better food(& I regretted becoz I had a terrible wt gain..*Sobz*). On the whole, time was well-spent there and I hope one day I can travel further like San Fancisco, Canada or UK. I prefer Western countries.

Soon comes May, my birthday month! Sort of scared of birthday but I still enjoyed it nevertheless. The month began with a trip to Redang, it was really fun because I got to snorkel through the fishes and corals. It makes me appreciate the sun and the sea more. Though the food there sucks, we still tried to do with it and ate a bit. I took quite a number of photos of the scenery and they turned out pretty well. Especially those I took during the sunset cruise, they gave a warm feeling. I am missing those memories there and the friends I spent the time with. Upcoming is my big day, the day that makes me older and adds me to the "20s" club. Sian. Somehow I got the feeling that I will not enjoy it. Well, seriously I didn't. No one could afford the time to spend it with me. Although I appreciate the fact that my good friends tried to fork out time, somehow I still felt lonely. Still I wan to extend my gratitude to Raynor and Zhi wei for surprising me below my block and we ended up spending my birthday night at the airport.. Though the rest dun have much time for me coz of work n school, at least they remembered to send their wishes.. Maybe I expected too much, even sad to say, I will be spending my 21st birthday alone in Melbourne. I had been thinking about a perfect birthday bash, which I think will not happen anymore. Enough of all that birthday shit.

During the period of time from May to August, I was engrossed in my sales job. I took up this job because I wanted to earn more money so that I can better support myself in Melbourne. Well things got worse during the job, all the stresses and tiredness were too much for me to bear, I ended up sick most of the time and still working like a cow. So I decided to quit and find another job. Another reason that I took up sales is because I thought it is a way to stop myself from thinking those past and sad memories. However, it turned out otherwise, the thoughts still lingers around from time to time so got worse when I get fed up with my work. I was not happy at all, even though I earned quite a bit and spent it all in one month. I think that time I was thinking shopping spree therapy will improve my mood, well it didn't work out and I was too broke to be true.

Soon after I quitted the job, I found another one as admin temp at a bank. It was pretty relaxing at first but got tensed up after I changed department. However, I still enjoyed my work because time passed really fast and had a great bunch of funky colleagues. Currently I am settling the stuff I got to prepare before I leave for Melbourne. It can be quite stressful when your mum and dad are nagging at the back of your neck. I am glad that Jer has found me a roommate and it will help save a bit.

Sometimes I can be quite blessed, but most of the time I thought otherwise. Today the uncle asked me whether I got activities for the holidays. In his mind, he thinks that youngsters should have lots of friends. But when it comes to me, I realised that it is not really true. I do not have much friends but I think that bagful I have is enough to last me a lifetime. I am a very shy girl or should say that I am rather passive and pessimistic by nature. Although I tried very hard to make my life more interesting, it seems that nothing much improved. My friends can't be by my side 24hrs and worst of all, most are attached and can't afford time for friends like me. Imagine after I get back from Melbourne, maybe some of them drifted further from me and can't even be acquintances. You might say that I shouldn't expect friends to sacrifice time for me and think about what you can do for your friend instead of your friend doing for you. I wanted to do a million stuff for my friends but did they give me a chance to? I doubt. Well, you can say I worry too much and I won't blame you. It is my character to worry. Maybe that's the reason I am such a pessimist.

Why leave those memories behind when you know that you won't come back? It will become a torture to me especially because I got long-term memory. I can still remember things that happened 2 yrs ago pertaining details from who, when, where and what. Sometimes I really hope that I can have a bad concussion and forget everything to start all over. Happy memories can formed again while sad memories disappear, that's what I want.