Yeah!

Dearie frenz out there.. Dun worry for mi anymore.. I m fine already.. All thanks to tis morning's run.. Actually i tink i have been tinkin too much.. my hormones r workin fine already.. Felt great.. But but I m quite worried.. My knee cap is starting to hurt.. Mok mok say maybe becoz i over-trained.. Jialat.. I wonder if I can make it for standard chartered 10km.. Maybe after tml's run, i will make my final decision.. Hehe..

Today at work was so fun.. No government!! hehe.. Had a long lunch break.. chit-chat w collegues.. Eat cherry garcia ice-cream.. Heavenly!! today is also the last weekend I will be workin at SATs.. Gonna miss them soon.. hehe..

Y m i so stupid?? haiz.. If u r reading my blog, pls stop reading.. Becoz I tink u will be irritated wif wat I m writing.. I m juz blogging to pls myself.. I juz had ice-cream, trying to cool myself.. I guessed it wasnt of much help.. I eaten alot recently.. Esp ice-cream.. Running? still training but my goal seems further n further away.. I m not sure y i was not tt confident anymore.. Maybe I lack of motivation or I m overly motivated until I felt inferior to my collegues who can run much faster than mi..

Congrats to David! haha.. was waiting for e results.. so anticipating.. (machiam I noe him..) haha.. Anyway today was a fine thursday.. I gave my collegues a Mac treat.. Well it was delivery service therefore food wasnt in e top condition.. haha.. I really hope tt we can still be in contact even though we arent e bestest frenz.. Memories.. Really nice to be workin the whole bunch of supervisors, technicians & assistants.. Life was quite stress-free.. Enjoyed my work n had alot of goody food tt I nv get a chance to eat on the plane.. haha..

Been thinkin abt myself.. What m i? Sensitive or juz jealous? Outgoing or juz sporty? listener or juz wan to be there? Workaholic or juz running away from reality? born-leader or a forced leader? creative or juz style? Many things ran through my mind after the committee meeting ytd.. I was scared in fact, which I didnt admit.. I all along knew tt I shouldnt be in the committe.. I feared that I might not be up to the std.. N since e day I lead the parachute game, it confirmed my fears.. N after hearing those ns guys, I was literally freaked out in my heart.. If I cant lead a good example, how can I convince them? I guess I m losing my confidence.. It's too late to back out n it is v irresponsible to.. I really pray that God will lead me to a new path where I can find myself again and give me strength to overcome my fears.. I need someone who is able to guide me through all this.. God, are u still there?

Disappointment.. It was really saddening.. My frenz seem to drift away from me.. I m so insignificant in their hearts.. Once, they made me so happy that they wan to meet up.. But now, they seemed so busy to even care that I m still living in this world.. I do understand that each of us got our own commitments.. But is it an excuse to shoo away? Luckily some are juz great.. Frenz forever if u tink u r one..

TV siaoz

Oh Gosh.. I tink I m addicted to TV.. haha.. Maybe I m juz escaping from reality.. Always like that kind of feeling when TV soap dramas bring u to the different facets of life.. Some may tink tt watching tv is just a waste of time, which is otherwise for mi.. I juz cant stop watchin tv recently.. Tv juz happen to be my "sort of" emotional support.. It will bring mi laughter, sometimes warmth.. Even it is sorrow n violence, it doesnt print on my heart as deep as humans will.. Today I read the newspaper on this article-> Looking for a perfect husband? Might as well marry a TV set.. Haha how true..

Ahh.. Tml still gotta work..

I began my day as early as I has always been->6.30am.. haha.. Muz be tinkin y tis gal so crazy? off-day still wake up so early.. Well well i got my driving lesson today.. Early in the morning 8.35am.. Had a super interesting lesson.. haha.. Guess wat.. I got e car but no instrustor, I tink he didnt come for work.. I had to find another instructor myself.. In e end, a new instructor was posted to mi n he is damn funny.. keep sayin i bully him when i didnt.. Anyway he was v kind to mi even though I stalled a few times today.. Not becoz I wasnt up to it, it is becoz of the CAR.. Bad maintence-> Even the instructor oso agree becoz it wasnt his car too.. the steering wheel was heavy, crutch too easy to release n more n more.. haha.. Machiam all accidents not my fault.. Well it sure wasnt.. N I went for the stimulator lesson too.. V interesting, juz like Daytona(did i spelt wrongly?).. haha.. Den after the lesson, I went for evaluation-> passed again n booked my next FTT.. Haiz still dun understand Y i can pass tis n still fail tt? All luck's fault..

Next stop is to Yishun!! Hehe guess y i m there? It was a stupid reason becoz I wan to take 969 to tm.. So that I need not sit a whole bus ride of 45 mins on 72.. So I chose a longer way yet more interesting.. Anyway I shopped aroud yishun before I go la.. I wont waste my time on a trip tt means nth..

Final stop is to TM.. Haha.. I m aiming for a nice nike or addidas shirt.. But I guess none caught my eye yet.. In the end I was walkin rounds in TM.. N i finally knew wat to get for my collegues.. Haiz gonna part soon in 2 weeks' time.. Sometimes it is a blessing juz to work there, stress-free n lots of good food.. haha.. Only disadvantage->boredom.. Still not my style but maybe I can adapt in the future..

Somehow I still feel that I got a bleak future.. Got dreams but know nothing about getting to it.. It is a long way.. Will I see light? Or I should say when? Lucky I m a gal.. Worse come to worst, I juz find a rich husband n get married n live happily everafter.. haha.. Wat a lame thought..

I failed my FTT for the Third time..

Hey hey wat a super sunday today.. I woke up early in the morning about 6 am to prepare for my run at 7.. Dear papa still cook campbell soup for me.. aww.. how sweet.. (the main reason is becoz he juz bought one carton of campbell soup..haha) Anyway I had a mild breakfast so that I could run later.. Today I completed 9.6km to my amusement.. haha.. I thought I couldnt becoz I had flu n my leg was detaching when I was at my 8th km.. But the timing wasnt too good becoz I was blowing my nose away n breathing quite heavily.. Those whom I ran past gave me weird eye glances.. haha.. Nvm about them, I dun care as long I complete my run.. hehe.. When I finished my run, I was super hungry.. I "k"-ed my fridge!! hehe of coz not junk food.. I muz eat healthily to lose wt.. But I guessed it is still a long way.. haha..

My FTT results are finally here.. I failed again.. Well well disappointment? of coz it is there.. But I felt more neutral this time.. N maybe starting to be oblivious about it.. I prayed to God, hoping to find the reason why.. But I guessed he just want me to appreciate the day when I will pass more.. This way I gotta work harder... money n time is a big prob already.. Hope that it wont get worse..

What I reap is what I sow? How true can tt be?

Well well.. My off-day is finally here.. Been a long wait.. I decided to give myself a treat=> Relax n not doing work tonite.. hehe.. tt's y i m here blogging.. N e next big treat is a long run at punggol park tml morning at 7am till 9am.. Really looking forward to it.. But but I m still having a slight flu.. Hope it wont affect my performance n at least let mi complete 5km.. Lucky I didnt promise my collegue e SPCA run at Macritche.. A bit exhausted after a long week of work, feeling a bit sleepy.. But i will hold thru, becoz I want to watch my fav korean drama-> "Xia Ri Xiang Qi" It is a tragedy love story between two complete strangers till they met with an immersed connection within their heart. Although it is quite tragic, I would like to experience this kind of strong love. This is the kind of love I seek, always there for each other even not physically. I dare not dream it might happen, I could only let it fall into hands of the Creator to make things happen. Uncle MK asked me the same question again-> "R u sure u r not attached? Always tot u r.." That kind of pressure flushed my body once more. It is not a question about how come no guy want me, it is a question about why I cant find my right guy. What is the definition of a right guy? Is it the time factor or it is juz fate-destiny playing games with me? Once I thought maybe this guy is for me, time proved me wrong or I juz cant accept the person? The problem lies with me.. I want no handsome idol or the rich bachelor.. All I want is a guy who can truely understands me and be there for me.. Is it tt hard? It has been tiring thinking like that.. I need a break or I rested too long? I suddenly want no more..

Addicted to running

I tink i m really addicted to running.. Alternate days running round my block dun seem fun to mi, besides it is only abt 1/2 hr.. N it is very early in the morning becoz I had to work.. Now I started to realise that the more I run, the more I feel good about myself. Maybe becoz of the accomplishment I will feel after running the no. of km. It is very motivating to continue despite some abdominal pain. It captivated my heart and soul to push myself to the extreme. Never felt like this before. Running did benefited me, I felt energetic throughout the day and a sense of optimism flowing in the body. However, my weakest link is food. My stomach was constantly growling and hunting for food, due to the sudden increase in metabolism.

Sickly?

Been a nice day at work.. Nth stupid happened.. BUt but my supervisor juz told mi today tt we r startin on e proj tml.. my heart nearly jumped out.. Sianz 2 big projs at hand now.. my head will get bigger soon.. Lucky ytd i enjoy myself at the esplanade watchin fireworks and eating mudpie at nydc w my dear kor, yz.. The fireworks was quite good, better den i expected.. N it was super crowded there, kena blocked by coconut trees.. Besides both of us were so hungry.. N straight after e fireworks, we walked super fast to nydc at suntec.. so funny hehe.. At least get to destress a bit.. N i even register for the sheares bridge fun run for mi.. hehe.. so excited.. Only 5km.. duno can make it anot.. Haven been training.. i tink i should go n run tml.. Now i m feeling so tired, doin my food safety.. Hopin to get sth done by tonite.. Den tml can continue.. M i such a planner?? Sometimes really cant stand myself.. I juz cant stop planning in my head.. If one day my plan fails, u will surely see a mad woman screaming away.. It has happened be4 kkz..

Long time No BLOG..

It has been a long time since i blogged.. N it has been a longer time since i ran.. Except tis evening's sprinting after bus 27.. haha.. A bit miss running.. Yesterday I did quite a bit of things since the morning.. I woke up abt e same time everyday.. 6.30am I was too used to it already.. Anyway it is a waste of time to sleep too much.. In the morning, I went for driving lesson.. It wasnt too bad, unlike e previous one.. I passed tt lesson, but juz dun understand y my instructor still not changing.. When I saw a different vehicle no. I tot I got hope of seein a different instructor.. All prepared yet I saw e same person, I still went -> oh man.. u again.. Haha.. It was so funny.. After my lesson, I met sy at amk before we head for pulau ubin.. Haiz.. It was a super long ride kkz.. Luckily we met some npcc guys at e jetty who offered us a free ride in exchange of carryin some boxes.. which we didnt really carry.. haha.. When we met e GB gals, I felt so extra.. One thing is becoz we didnt learn e dance which angie promised to let us learn.. Another thing is becoz we r so overage.. These gals were so hyperactive.. I could only be like them a few yrs back.. In the end we really became extras, tryin our best to camouflage in the crowd.. Then we managed to meet only one pathetic nc fren, e other two duno disappeared until where.. We had such short time at e campsite.. Becoz we had to leave by 6.. Although not much was done there, I was pretty tired after I reached home.. I didnt even wait for my hair before I fell asleep.. After ytd, I felt quite bad abt not being able to help much in the camp.. My presence didnt prove much either.. Tml is another waitin-to-die day.. Becoz there is elf prog for bie students.. I m a bit nervous now becoz i was not quite prepared for it.. N my throat is killin mi.. I cant even tok properly.. I hope tml can juz pass fine.. I cant run tis wk.. How how?? I muz buck up le...

Happy National Day, Singapore!!

Great day, nice sun but no activities.. Haha.. Maybe it is juz a nice time to stay cozy at home or someone's hse.. haha.. I ran in the morning again.. Wasnt a long run but i was perspiring much more than normal.. Maybe i ran at a later time than ytd.. haha.. Heard quite a touching love story today.. I really envy tt gal becoz she got all e love n care tt i longed for.. But it is quite hurtful for tt guy(poor thing..).. It makes mi realised tt life is so unpredictable n all abt unfairness.. Maybe tt's y i m more suited to be single.. My purpose is to bring happiness to those who are unhappy.. Regardless whether they r my frenz, family, aqquintances, enemies.. Although i cant advise much, I hope my presence can be of comfort to them.. I wan to cherish n treasure but nv expect wise.. I liked to tink myself to be in wonderland daily(which i m still in).. Tinkin all abt great things n ignore the pain and agony of real life.. tt's e reason i started to take up running.. Running is one sport tt u can be in ur own world.. No one runs wif u.. U r on ur own.. U can imagine all e things u wan while running.. Noone will carry u when u r running.. becoz ur legs are e only support.. Interesting ye? Ppl might tink i m independent but somehow, I got my weak times too.. Dun tink of mi as a strong gal.. Becoz i will be scared wat if I m really ignored one day.. it is true.. my frenz seen mi fall n helped mi up.. Next wk is my FTT again.. It is my third time takin it. A bit nervous n scared.. I juz wan to get it over.. gtg already..

What's love?

Been a long n tiring day for mi in sch.. I was quite "idiotic" to be waiting in the library for my dear frenz to finish their tutorials.. Luckily i found myself a great book->chicken soup for the body n soul.. It taught mi quite alot while waitin for them.. I learnt more about love.. Love is something to be felt n not to be seen.. Love can be given to anyone.. even to ur enemies.. Becoz once u learnt to love ur enemies, u will feel happier(tis logic i dun seem to understand la.. haha).. Adversity too.. the stories they left behind were veri motivating.. Getting closer to acceptin myself more.. haha.. N the book on "30mins to increase self-esteem" helped mi too.. It is quite hard to explain myself in words.. Maybe shld improve my english.. But somehow didnt noe where to start.. Tml is another running day for mi.. Quite excited.. Becoz of my new shoes bahz.. wonder if can run longer distance?? well will noe it tml..

All "blues" shall be gone..

Hehe.. After struggling for a couple of days to get my mood rite.. I finally did it.. I let go of my worries n troubles.. I got tis new verse i saw in "chicken soup"-> Have u ever wanted to give sunshine to someone who lives with rain? This gave mi a great motivation. I tot i shouldnt be so sad abt minute things.. I should see everything with an open heart.. I wanted to bring sunshine to e ppl i loved.. I noe tt tis is e reason i m in tis world.. Haha.. Besides tt, I m super enthu abt running now.. I wan to complete my 10km.. Presently i m trainin on e distance 1st, soon i will start my timin.. Hehe.. Tml i going to buy alot of sports stuff for my run.. I wan to be geared up for it.. hehe..

Emotionless..

Today is e only monday that I m facing "blues".. Yet I m wearin pink.. V sad v sad.. I had drivin lesson in the mornin.. My instructor was disappointed in my drivin standard.. he said tt my skills hav deteriorated greatly.. Machiam those in lesson 1.. On hearing that, I felt a rush of demoralisation n worthlessness.. I had gone so far yet this still happened.. My mood already hit the bottom that this had happened.. Soon after, my good fren msg mi that she is a driver already.. I felt happy for her but I m pressurised at the same time.. Maybe it is all the human comparison that was makin mi feel so bad.. Emotions ran over n over again throughout my body.. Now in the afternoon, I took my online test for my only subject this sem...I FAILED~ I felt sobby n broke down in front of my com.. I was lookin at my notes emotionlessly after tt sobby scene.. I was utterly disappointed w myself.. Eaten all e ice creams n chocolates I could find in my fridge.. I didnt feel better.. I tot they r supposed to help?? Well obviously they didnt.. I couldnt help feeling that.. Maybe I did hear some advice.. But they dont seem to help too.. I had been telling myself, it is part and parcel of life.. Get up and move on.. My feet didnt wanted to move.. I got no place, nowhere, no purpose, nothing to move on.. suddenly nothing.. Now after writing so much, I started to think n think more.. What happened to me? Shouldnt I be a happy gal? I got my parents that love me so much, only they could tolerate me.. Esp after what happened ytd, I was pretty surprised that I was "recognised" in their hearts.. Arent they noble, only they can tolerate my temper and behaviour.. If it is someone else, I tink I would be ignored most of the time until I had cooled off before I would be approached.. I shld be glad I got them to lean on when I am at e bottom..

Running was juz so great!!

Great sunday to run like this.. I ran 5km today.. REally accomplishing for a gal like mi kkz.. It has been quite hard becoz I had blisters on my foot n thigh.. hehe.. REally painful when I was running.. At e beginning, it was like a breeze when i m running.. But towards the end, it was hell.. I was perspiring and rasping for breath.. Also had a little stomach discomfort.. Suddenly 10 km looks impossible for mi..... N my dear mum threw my only pair of running shoes away.. I was wearin e addidas sneakers which explains the blisters.. Den my thigh got one super big blister.. it was super painful.. When I got home, i was quite hungry.. But I tried to control my CHO intake n eat fruits n a bit of ice-cream(yummy!!).. Wonder if i would gain wt by the end of this running.. I hope to complete 10 km in 2 weeks so that i can go n sign up w early-bird discount for w e marathon.. Den I fell aslp for a while after my "lunch", suddenly my blister burst n I was bleedin like mad.. My dad helped mi a bit but I was screaming in pain.. Haha.. I bet u cant imagine wat had happened juz now.. Well now, I got a plaster over it but I tink I m still bleedin n my wound is really bad.. Now gtg le.. Will update wif more info abt running..